- Kate Bettes, a writer, relocated to Berlin but struggled with loneliness and productivity.
- She combats isolation by attending workshops, café work, and socializing with new connections.
- She says balancing work with an active social life has improved her productivity and well-being.
Everyone told me working and living in Europe was a dream come true. But no one said how lonely it could be.
As a dedicated extrovert, I’ve always loved the energy of others. In Sydney, my hometown, I worked in large, close-knit offices. Keeping up with my sprawling friendship group could sometimes be a welcome game of Jenga. I lived with my partner, and my family was close by.
But for a few years, I’d been itching to move overseas and try my hand at freelance work. In Sydney, I’d worked in industries as varied as art consulting, travel journalism, and academic communications. But I’d still felt for a long time that an unknown environment would stretch my horizons and stimulate my writing.
In 2019, following the advice of friends who’d lived in Berlin, I planned to spend a couple of years in that creative, gritty city. I was excited — but also apprehensive. And while the pandemic delayed these plans, I finally got my visa approved and left in April 2023.
But I was about to move to a city where I knew no one to work in isolation.
My loneliness in a new city was impacting my productivity as a freelance journalist
I arrived in Berlin with no friends and little idea where to start socializing. To make matters worse, I would be working remotely alone for the first time, so I would have no work friends to help me ease into the Berlin social scene.
Good friends weren’t going to come overnight, I told myself as I pitched to new publications, looked for a place to live, and navigated the complex world of Berlin insurance and bureaucracy.
Moments of loneliness and sadness were to be expected, I repeated endlessly. The mantra didn’t always work. In the first few weeks, I’d have spells of pessimism about my new life, which impacted my mental well-being and usual enthusiasm to write.
Before I left Sydney, my partner had made me a journal filled with messages and photos from my friends to get me through any moments of doubt. I looked at this journal a lot during my first few weeks in Berlin.
I realized I needed to balance building my success as a freelancer with an active social life if I was going to be productive working in Berlin.
Signing up for workshops and working in cafés helped me meet new people
So, like any good extroverted digital worker, I worked hard to connect with strangers and start building relationships from the ground up.
I know you don’t make friends by sitting at home all day. I would schedule mornings writing in cafés or at home and afternoons exploring my new city. But this low-impact socialization would not be enough to stimulate my work or creative life.
When I arrived, I Googled “writing courses in Berlin” and signed up for the first one available. Then another. One night after a writing meet-up, I was incredibly tired, but one of my coursemates invited me to a spoken-word session. I immediately agreed, even though I was exhausted. On a different night, when a friend of a friend invited me to a secret rave, I simply responded, “Where?”
Journalists did callouts on social media to meet up at cafés and bars to talk shop and make new connections. I’d respond and spend evenings swapping tips and industry jokes with other writers over drinks.
A child started screaming behind me when I was working in a café. I exchanged an exasperated look with another woman working there. We began chatting, and I discovered she was a screenwriter working on a true-crime show. This interaction led to an unexpectedly drunken night of bonding over unknown plates of Berlin’s food.
I’d learned from traveling abroad to always say yes to any opportunity to socialize in a new place. I still have a fun group chat with girls I met at the rave and catch up with the journalists and writers.
Slowly but surely, my feelings of disconnection and loneliness rescinded.
Committing to making connections early on made it easier to feel settled
I had to approach my life in Berlin with a high-energy commitment to making connections from the beginning.
Because I pushed myself to socialize and make an effort with new people early on, I now feel settled and can focus better on my work. Compared with when I first arrived, I’m finding it much easier to write stories and come up with exciting pitches. While I still love meeting new people, I have a strong friendship group of funny people as offbeat as me.
When I first got to Berlin, I hadn’t found a rhythm of socializing and working. It was a lot of late nights or spontaneous outings. Now, I have a healthy balance of interaction that suits me perfectly. In the evening, I meet friends for a sauna or clubbing. By day, I catch up with friends for quizzes, flea markets, or swimming in one of Berlin’s many lakes.
I’ve combatted the loneliness of freelancing and found systems that work for me. I still switch between working at home and the many laptop-friendly cafés in Berlin to work and get my hit of low-key interactions in.
As an extroverted freelancer, I had to commit to making friends and routinely socializing outside work
Don’t accept feeling isolated. If you’ve moved somewhere new or started freelancing, accept that there will be moments of loneliness and doubt. Fiddle with your balance of working alone and socializing, and test and adjust it until you find yourself happy and fulfilled, in and outside work.
If you’re an introvert, it might seem at first like the dream to work by yourself and not to deal with other people. But everyone needs a balance between connections and alone time. You just need to figure out yours.
Source: I moved to Europe thinking living and working there would be a dream come true. I
