Not many people can say they can spend weeks, sometimes months, researching stories about some fascinating people and religions. It’s surprising what you can learn about the rich tapestry that is America, specifically how easily you can get too involved in a story and end up relinquishing all of your money and possessions to charismatic leaders. So with a bit of hindsight, here’s five times a freelance gig ended up with being sucked into a cult.
Commune with Nature
It seemed like a great idea on paper: head out to rural Idaho to spend a month with a hippie commune to paint a portrait of self-sufficient individuals who’ve cast off the shackles of modern society. Plus the whole “free love” aspect of it was going to be the icing on the cake. Fast forward six weeks later and we’ve missed 23 calls from our editor because it turns out the commune is less a co-op and more just 15 hours a day of farm work so the leader known only as “Daddy” can sell produce at a fancy suburban farmer’s market. The smell of unbathed hippies will not be missed but damn did they make a good fermented wine.
Xenu We Hardly Knew You: The True Story of Scientology
The obsession with the secrets of Scientology made for an excellent expose on what actually goes on in these “information centers”. But who do I see standing in the lobby but Jenna fucking Elfman, and being the Looney Tunes: Back in Action superfan that I am I just had to speak with her. She ended up being a phenomenal source of information, but when it was time to write the story I found myself at OT Level IV and cut off my suppressive family.
LuLaRoe: Yoga to Be Kidding Me
Being a freelancer is a lot like being your own boss. And since LuLaRoe’s main hook is about being your own boss, I was already 50% of the way to the truth. I mean listen girlie, it’s only a $10,000 investment, and once you get ten people underneath you the leggings practically sell themselves! Ugh, it’s been hard to shake this one off especially since getting banned from Fiverr for trying to recruit other freelancers to sell this crap.
Make America Great Again Great Again, America
Dismantling MAGA talking points is like shooting fish in a barrel, but Trump supporters are a content goldmine. While filming a sizzle reel for Vice, their infectious enthusiasm for making America a theocratic ethnostate ruled by a madman was actually kind of fun, like a treehouse club of people detached from reality. My enthusiasm for their cause began as irony, but somewhere along the line slid into earnestness, like how some people become Ween fans. Eventually, constant exposure to their bullshit had me lying awake at night wondering where Hillary’s emails are and how quickly she can be put in prison for them.
Neptunians Unite: Glory Unto the Queen Mother
Okay listen all those other ones were cults of personality or religion, but this one is the real deal according to the guy handing out pamphlets at the airport. Why our editor rejected a 10,000-word masterpiece on the coming master race from Neptune only ensures their destruction at the hands of the all-powerful Queen Arleth, glory be unto her. And when the day of her ascension comes, boy oh boy will the gigs roll in as we take our place as chief propaganda officer, and 1099’s are forever abolished.
Source: Five Freelance Gigs That Ended With Me Being Sucked Into a Cult
