DEAR ERIC I am a 60-something man who struggled for decades, working multiple jobs at a time. Many of those jobs were physically brutal, but thanks to a generous family inheritance late last year I’m finally able to rest my beaten and broken body and retire with my arthritis meds and pending joint replacements.
My wife of eight months, who is physically whole and energetic, and who never held a paying job, wants us to spend my inheritance to live an “active seniors” retirement like those graying couples in AARP and prescription meds commercials: mountain climbing, volunteering to build houses, running marathons, kite-skiing, etcetera.
Here’s what I want to do every day: Take my daily two-mile morning walk or pedal my bike about 10 miles, swim my laps at the YMCA, take a nap, then spend the next 10 hours writing, reading and catching up with all those long-ago movies and TV series I missed due to 70-hour work weeks and having to learn new jobs for so many years.
Help?
– Peaceful Retirement
DEAR RETIREMENT: Congratulations on moving into this well-deserved next chapter. On the surface, it seems like you can do both. Were you to move into an active retirement community, your wife could scale Everest while you read a book.
However, the newness of your union and the mentions of the inheritance ring a tiny alarm bell. Is this really about differing visions for how you’ll spend your days or is this an indication of a misalignment about money?
Your view of the inheritance is linked to the hard work you’ve put in over your career. It’s a windfall that makes so many things possible, things that you might have spent a long time wishing for but always seemed out of reach. You’ll be disappointed or resentful if you don’t honor that dream in some part.
Have a frank, honest conversation with your wife about the values each of you places on money. Besides retirement plans, do you have the same dreams? Do you understand money the same way? What is her plan for financial stability? If it’s just your inheritance, does that work for you?
Laying a foundation around finances will help you make the decision about retirement and support the long-term health of your marriage.
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(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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Source: Asking Eric: After an inheritance, couple disagrees about retirement plans
