My wife and I are both freelancers; here’s how we support each other

• My wife and I recently married, and we are both freelancers, struggling to get gigs.
• The stress sometimes causes us to fight, but we learned how to support each other.
• We prioritize communication, alone time, and self-care.

We got married in February this year, and since then, my wife, Dhara, has been struggling to land freelance gigs. Finding work is way more difficult than actually doing it. I have been freelance writing since 2014, and my wife started her freelance career in 2019, so I know this for a fact.

My wife sent out dozens of cold emails to potential clients and got one guy to respond, but he ghosted her. She has also applied for full-time jobs, but nothing panned out.

While I’ve had a consistent flow of clients, I faced similar situations before we got married. I lost a high-paying, long-term client a few years ago and couldn’t land a new gig for seven months.

Suffice it to say that freelancing is difficult, and it’s even more difficult when your life partner is in the same boat. To make sure we support each other and keep our marriage healthy, we follow a few important guidelines.

Prioritize communication

We often try to find time to talk about each other’s work. We also discuss shared and individual priorities so that we know what’s important to each other each week. Communicating needs, responsibilities, and expectations helps us build trust. Failing to do so leads to unwanted heartburn and arguments for us.

We practice jointly deciding how to allocate time and resources based on our collective priorities. Through communication, we are able to work together to ensure everything gets done without sacrificing much.

Self-care

Freelancing is challenging. We found that not being physically, mentally, and emotionally fit will lead to stress, depression, and arguments in our house.

Sitting is unhealthy, and I sit in one position for hours. I’m trying to change that. I quickly walk around every few hours or so and stretch a bit to avoid a stiff back. I also hit the gym in the evening to calibrate my mental peace and keep in shape. Walking is a great source of ideas and much-needed clarity. It’s a feel-good time for me.

Dhara is a rockstar. She does the household chores while looking for gigs, so she doesn’t have to sit in one place for long hours.

Alone time

I love spending time with myself. While my wife hasn’t yet bought into this idea, she respects my need for solitude. I often go quiet and observe my thoughts; this is meditation for me. It helps me gather myself, slow down, and focus.

Having alone time doesn’t always mean solitude. It also means doing what you love without having to justify it. I love sports, so I enjoy watching a game by myself.

We encourage each other to pursue hobbies, interests, and social activities that bring us closer to ourselves.

Monetize arguments

My wife and I argue a lot, and that’s OK. I found that our arguments allow us to grow, learn, and strengthen our relationship. Arguments can be healthy for us as long as we don’t turn the arguments into fights where we throw personal attacks.

To further turn our arguments into a positive thing, we started paying a fine of $6 each every time we argued. It’s a new practice we started when we got married. This money can then be used for shopping, traveling, or anything else we are both involved in.

Help each other professionally

I have been freelancing longer than my wife has, so I know a thing or two about this corner of the professional world and try to share that with my wife. I’ve taught Dhara how to use LinkedIn to find prospects and how to pitch to prospects.

I’ve also created a website for her where she can blog. I then optimize her content for search engines, increasing the chances of getting leads.

In return, I employ Dhara as a beta reader, explaining the content I’ve written to her. If she understands and likes it, I know I’ve done well.

We just got married, but it already feels like I’ve found my best friend. We get to spend our romantic and professional lives together. It just requires a lot of patience, which comes after investing years in one person.